well, here I am again. Still have some sort of block. I can't think of anything to say. I am tired of saying the same things over and over again. So this may be more of just a rambling of thoughts than anything else. I am so depressed, frustrated and I don't know what else. I just know I don't feel good. I want to scream really loud. But I won't of course. I miss King, he won't post anymore, Don't you know I need you, just to post and give me something to read, something else to think about. Don't you know I need you to encourage me. So cut the crap and write. There how bout that. You have to write!!!!! I started this because of you and so if I have to do this then so do you.
Life is pretty much the same for me. All the crap with the bf. Although, I don't seem to be taking it so hard. I think I am getting to a point where I don't care. I don't want to tell him to leave, but in my mind I keep thinking maybe he will just leave. I guess that way I can blame him, I don't know what it is. Does that make sense? I just know I am to the point of almost begging him not to come home. Just go somewhere, anywhere, so long as I don't have to deal with you. Maybe that's it, I am just not wanting to deal. It is so much easier not to. I just don't know. I know I would miss him in a way. but is that more habit than anything? I love him, I just don't love his actions, I don't really even know if I love him, or the idea of the way things were when I first met him. hmmmmm. Good thought. Maybe loving him is also just a habit, just like smoking cigarettes. I could put them down, but I don't want to I am comfortable that way. Except with him I am not comfortable, exactly. I don't know what I am. okay I think this is enough rambling for now.